october thoughts.

October has been a rough month in a lot of ways. School work has consumed most of my time and I have found myself so tired by the end of my days. I have been moody and restless and frustrated... and yet in the midst of everything God has been teaching me and refining me to be a better wife. Marriage is such an indescribable idea to someone who is not married. How do you describe the closeness you feel with another person? How can you put into words falling asleep next to the same man every night, knowing your best friend is always by your side? How to measure what a quick kiss on the forehead means from the man you love? It's indescribable. 

Yet through the indescribable joy that is marriage, there are also times when you are at your worst, and your spouse gets to see that, which is devastating. When you are dating, it is easy to put on a happy face until you go home at the end of the night and let it all come out. We made a commitment to each other that neither would walk out when things get hard, physically or emotionally. So, it's hard sometimes.

Last weekend I got to spend time with my new cousin, Kelly. And through her words, I knew God was teaching me something. She told me about her marriage and how it can get difficult sometimes to be forgiving and love the other person. I don't know that she realized it at the time, her piece of advice has been rattling in my head since I heard it. 

"You have to always remember the heart of the person you are with."

It seems like such a simple idea, but how hard it is to remember that when you are in a fight and you need to be stubborn and angry with someone? Oh, that just happens to me? Nevermind then. When I remember the heart of my husband, I know he is always wanting to look out for my best interests. I know that he loves me deeply and would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. When I see his heart, I see selflessness and loyalty and godliness. 

Keeping God at the center of our marriage has refined both of us. 

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